I'm sure...

...your family isn't like this. I'm sure that if you replied to say, hypothetically, an email from your mom, in which she subtly complains about not being able to reach you on the phone, and you patiently explain that this is because your mom happened to choose in two, different weeks the two hours you had left your house at all to walk amongst the people and run your humble errands, and that's why you weren't there to answer the call, oh, and by the freakin' way, this is the 21st Century now, and if it was so blasted important to reach you, she could have called your cellphone, which, as she well knows, you have on you at all times. And I'm sure that if, in said email reply, you mentioned there was no reason to call anyway, as you had ABSOLUTELY no new news, and what drivel that could be passed off as "news" you included in said email, well, I'm reasonably certain that your hypothetical mom would not still feel the need to call you the next day, acknowledging right off the bat that she received and read the aforementioned email and then ignored its central treatise and called anyway to -- I kid you NOT at all -- to see what was new. And surely I must be correct in believing that if all this somehow did hypothetically happen to you as well, Dear Reader, that certainly your mom would have believed you the first three times you patiently explained that, no, seriously, there was nothing new, it was not in fact raining here, you did indeed have your rescheduled party on Saturday and not the Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend as you'd already told her, and yes, people came to it, and no, you weren't about to list every person who attended and what they were wearing, because what are you E!'s red carpet coverage? And if all that, against incomprehensible odds, did occur along with, at rough estimate, four dozen additional questions and their patiently offered answers, surely there would not have been -- 28 or so minutes into the conversation and during the inevitable, 10-minute "wrap-up" phase of the call where she says goodbye a few times and then still manages to get out another dozen or so random questions, well, I'm just CERTAIN that one of them wouldn't be, "So, nothing's new at all, huh?"

Because really, what response would satisfy at that point to that question? "Okay, ya got me -- I wasn't going to mention it in the email or any of the first, three times you asked, but since you asked the fourth time and added the 'huh,' you broke down my willpower... It's true, I've been elected Czar for Life of the Secret Shadow Government. Oh, also, I'm a werewolf." I mean, seriously...

I guess my point is, my mom... excuse me, YOUR hypothetical mom, should have been a CIA interrogator (Hi, to our friends reading the ECHELON server feed...)

That has nothing to do with today's link (or perhaps, since the theme was repetition, it does?), which I believe I got from @Alyssa_Milano's feed (which is incredibly clever and thoughtful much of the time, and I'm sorry for being a little surprised about that...) like a month ago (and yes, I just got around to reading it today... for someone with nothing to do, I sure don't seem to get much done.)

*exasperated sigh*

Viva Las...

...Veg... ah, who am I kidding? I think the old joke goes something like, "I just flew in from Vegas and, boy, are my arms tired..."

Except actually, we actually flew in Monday night and really, I then slept for about 16 (or was it 18?) hours... and then it was time to get up and go to the AWLA and pet the kitties...

I'd say the Vegas trip was everything I wanted it to be, but I'd be lying. We started out on a bad footing -- the flight was canceled -- the [unnamed for legal reason] airline then tried to re-book us for Sunday... that would be great, except we were leaving to fly home on Monday, so that didn't work out so well for us... So, instead we got put on another flight, spent a large quantity of time in the Atlanta airport, and bing, bang, boom, instead of checking into the hotel in Vegas at dinnertime Friday evening, we instead arrived closer to 2 a.m. Saturday morning.

And that more or less set the tone for the rest of the trip...

I'll share the rotten cherry on top with you. On Sunday, we spent a nice afternoon having lunch at the Stratosphere's Top of the World (a revolving restaurant that gives one a view of the city). Point of interest: getting to the Top of the World requires going through a metal detector (the only one I've thus encountered in Vegas... clearly the belief is that the terrorists would only want to blow up the tallest structure in Sin City... or something... don't get me started on security...), which, in turn, resulted in my having to "check" my swiss army knife.

So, nice lunch, excellent view, many pictures, and then suddenly we had to dash out because we had tickets to see a show back at Planet Hollywood Hotel & Casino (not to be confused with the Planet Hollywood Restaurant, which, quite counter-intuitively is located in Caesar's). The show was quite good -- but seriously how could it not be -- the man trained housecats! I say again, trained housecats...

Anyway, the Oscars telecast (on three hours earlier in Vegas), a short nap, and then dinner later -- actually, just sitting down to dinner, and MLW suddenly remembers, "*gasp* We forgot to pick up your knife!" And literally runs away from the table. Then the food arrives. So MDFA and I make small talk with the waiter (why is it never the same waiter as your primary waiter that brings your food?) and MLW arrives back with a tale of concierge confabbing. The upshot -- all we have to do is go all the way back across to the other side of the Strip and talk to Security and we can pick up the knife. I briefly considered abandoning it... it's as not as if it's a particularly expensive knife... but, I've had it for ~25 years, and my parents gave it to me, so it was only briefly.

So MLW and I wound up doing just that (MDFA opted out... go figure...) And a few short arguments later, $7.34 lost in penny slots, visits to two different security desks, and a short stop at the MGM Gift Shop later (on the way through the lobby), and our plans for the night before we left finished off.

At this point, you may be wondering why I told you all that. (That is, presuming you're even still reading... all four of you). Well, knowing I had to get on the plane in the morning I simply packed the knife in my luggage (the bag that gets checked, not the carry-on obviously...) Packed in that same pocket, four pairs of cuff links in two tiny bags, a mini-screwdriver (with removable heads, stored separately in an old Dramamine container), and an adapter for MLW's cellphone.

So, after we were back from the AWLA (anyone remember where this story began? Anyone?) and I finally had the chance to speak to my lovely wife in 20 or so hours, and I finally get to ask if she had unpacked anything on her own or moved stuff, because, five things were missing from my checked bag: my mini-screwdriver, four pairs of cufflinks in two tiny bags, and... wait for it... my swiss army knife. And when I say "missing," I mean "stolen."

Thank you! Good Night! Elvis has left the building!

Happy Potomac...

...primary or something...

Except totally not... it took two hours to get home last night and in so doing I got to the polling place at 7:07 pm -- know what that meant? Yep, you guessed it? Didn't get to vote. So then I went the remainder of the way home and arrived about five minutes before our dinner reservations were supposed to be for... Not that big a deal, since we'd already decided that we weren't going out... and, in fact, when MLW called to cancel the reservations no one even answered the phone...

I can't imagine why the Commonwealth did not extend the voting hours... hell, even Maryland thought to do that.

So, all-in-all, exactly what 37 should feel like, I reckon...

My cousin...

...sent me this disturbing news about the local PetSmart. I'm going to have to look for somewhere else to shop...

UPDATE:

This just in through my contacts at the Animal Welfare League of Alexandria:

Allan and myself went out to the Petsmart and reviewed the tapes with the Manager and District Manager.The employee never hit the dogs and has a great record with them. The employee is 18 years old and was basically being a kid. He was play-grabbing at one dog in particular, nothing that would be cruelty to animals, but the dog he was playing with is a very submissive dog; including with its owners. We spoke with the teenager and advised him that if the dog is submissive then he should not be playing with the dog in that manner, also we advised the Managers that they need to do more training with their employees and explain to them how to read dog's behavior, etc. Also the employee states that no one told him what was acceptable forms of play in the playgroup. In any case the dog was not hit and the employee was talked to about the situation and will get better training. The dog was not physically hurt. The actions of the employee could be interpreted wrong by someone looking in, but if you review the tape, frame by frame as we did, you will see exactly what occurred and he did not hit any of the dogs. According to the Managers the complainant was a disgruntled client.

Chaun Gorden--Director of Animal Control
4101 Eisenhower Avenue
Alexandria, Va.22304

I was going to...

...continue with my random posting from Thursday, and then I read this posting by Joss Whedon, and it seemed more important somehow.

Randomness will continue later...

Yet another sign...

...of the breakdown of society? Every time one of these types of stories shows up (and what's up with that?) people go on and on about how we don't know our neighbors and the speeding up of the pace of our society has destroyed the human connections. I sort of wonder how long people have been saying that...

In other news, OriginalWebb tells me that the sporadic blogger "phenomenon" wherein my posts don't appear right away has returned. So if you missed my birthday post or any of the stuff from February, please by all means, check them out.

Hopefully, a bit more later in the week, including the exciting world of plumbing repairs and bathroom remodeling...

36

Not really sure how this happened, but that's the age I turned today. It seemed oddly appropriate that this blogthing was on the "new" page:

You Are 46% Misanthropic

You're somewhat misanthropic, but you're not willing to write off the human race (yet!). There's a few people you like, and even them you like at a distance.

How Misanthropic Are You?

So anyway... it's been an odd day. Props to MLW for trying to make the day special (though I really didn't need to hear "it's your birthday!" one more time... -- I'm kidding, dearest, I love you. (Actually, I'm not)). Some strange items in the news: some oddly apropos and others not so much.

The usual folks sent in well wishes by e-card or snail card (that's a phrase, right?) -- thanks usual people... MLW made me a nice dinner and we sat and watched Star Wars on video (yeah, that's right -- video, VHS, tape -- I haven't bought the DVDs yet because I'm waiting for the inevitable box set that has all six -- I've given Lucasfilm enough money already, I don't think I need to buy multiple versions of the whole saga (especially since the first half kinda blew...)) I opened some presents and cards (I save them all for my birthday as a rule) and fielded the usual calls from home. All-in-all as nice a day as a random birthday year and a day spent working can be.

While I never intended to give it much thought I found myself compiling a birthday Wishlist (and no, not the nigh-300 items on Amazon.com...) This would be things I really, truly want.

• I want the smokers driving in front of (and alongside and behind) me to stop treating the world like it's their personal ash-tray. If it's so great, keep it in your car, and while you're at it, keep the window rolled up too; I don't need to be sucking in the second hand smoke through my vents...
  
  
• I want the news media to remember what journalism is. That's journal, not sensational -ism. I understand how they might confuse those two. If aliens arrived on Earth yesterday, they would have had to conclude that Anna Nicole Smith was a world leader or great thinker or something. And don't give me that crap about how "well, if it didn't sell people wouldn't buy it or watch it or read it." I'm pretty tired of other people deciding what we're capable of. Admittedly, I haven't traveled all over this nation of ours, but I suspect that people are smarter than we give them credit for. At least individually....
  
  
• And speaking of our once great nation, I want our government to realize that not every problem can be solved with a stick, no matter how big. Sometimes we need other methods. And likewise not every problem can be solved by throwing MORE at it, be it more money, more men and women, or more bombs.
  
  
• While we're at it, I want America to realize that More is not always More. And New is not always Improved. And that you can't have your cake and eat it too. And then have a pill that makes the affects of that cake disappear. You can't have a job you can do from a reclining position, like on the Jetson's, and you're far more likely to be struck by lightning or killed in an automobile accident than you are to win the PowerBall jackpot (for gods' sake put the money into a fund, a savings account, even under the mattress, or if you insist on throwing it away at least throw it at a charity...) Put down the fries, America, and don't drive around and around looking for the closest space -- you need the walk.
  
  
• I want everyone to realize that the Greenhouse Effect is not just a headline, and the clock is running out on the time we have to fix it. And this clock has no snooze button. And I want the energy companies to apologize for using Big Tobacco tactics and positioning this issue as one open to debate or interpretation or I at least want them to pay.
  
  
• And hey, while we're at it, I want people and the government to realize that with a few notable exceptions, Big Business does what Big Business has to do... and that's watch the bottom line. And any shortcut they can take to get there (whatever the quasi-legality of it) they will use. Because when you're single-minded of purpose and goal, morality tends to evaporate. So we have to make them accountable.
  
  
• And speaking of accountability, isn't it about due for a comeback of some sort? I want our leaders, and hey, just ordinary people to say, "Yeah, that was me. I did that. Maybe you disagree, maybe you condemn me, but I will at the very least admit that the issue was my responsibility." Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't you be able to respect someone like that? And if you respect them and find them capable, wouldn't you vote for them? Could they do a worse job than the usual suspects? And it's not just leaders, parents blame teachers, schools, TV, music and video games for their kids bad behavior. (You know what? I had all those things and I've never done something horrible, never shot up a strip mall or a school. You know why, because my parents (and other people) taught me there's right and there's wrong -- it's a choice and you know it when you make it. You can pretend afterwards you didn't, but unless you're a sociopath, you most likely were aware of the choice when you made it...) Everyone seems to look to someone else to blame for their problems. Hey, I have problems, we all do, and some aren't even of our own making, but that doesn't mean they don't need to be dealt with. And wishing or hoping or praying isn't going to make that glass slide across the table, you have to get up and get it.
  

Wow. Listen to me... "I want, I want..." always about me isn't it? Might as well wish for a pony as I think we all know I stand a much better chance of waking up with superpowers, so I guess I'll just get a PS3 instead... And now to steal a page from JADO's book...*


* = The preceding rant was brought to you by to you by Old Age and Crankiness®. That's Old Age and Crankiness, now with extra Bitterness®.